


Lost and Broken

by tabbytabbytabby



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Boys In Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Introspection, Loss, M/M, Protective Gabe, Protective Nolan, Sad, Sad Nolan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-29 00:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15718236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tabbytabbytabby/pseuds/tabbytabbytabby
Summary: Nolan knows deep down that what he's doing isn't right. But Gabe says it's the best way to protect them and ensure that they can have a life together. One that's not full of constant threats or danger. Of course Nolan trusts him. He just doesn't trust Monroe or the constant fear that is eating away at him. What's he supposed to do when the monsters he's supposed to hate wind up not being the real monsters after all?





	Lost and Broken

**Author's Note:**

> This all happened because a anon on tumblr asked about Nolan and Gabe. And my mind latched on and spiraled a bit. It was supposed to be something short, but well...  
> This has not been beta read so any mistakes are my own. If you see any please let me know and I'll get them fixed.

Nolan knows there’s something not right about what’s happening in Beacon Hills. He can sense it early on. It’s more than just the strange deaths and disappearances this time. He knows it’s more to it than that now. He knows about _them_. The werewolves and other creatures that are residing in Beacon Hills. At first he doesn’t think anything of it. Sure, it’s weird and a little scary to think that that sort of thing exists in the world. But so far it hasn’t touched him.

Then it does.

He can feel the fear starting to creep in. He doesn’t understand it and does his best to push it down. He thinks it might be just him and his anxiety making itself known. Then he notices Gabe, who is usually so calm, fiddling nervously at his desk as his eyes glance around the room giving everyone a look of suspicion.

“Is everything alright?” Nolan asks from his spot in the desk next to his.

Gabe glances at him as his leg continues to bounce. When he speaks his voice is barely above a whisper, “Not here. They’ll hear us.”

“What?” Nolan asks, his brow furrowing in confusion, “Who? Gabe, what are you talking about?”

Gabe just shakes his head. Nolan has to choice but to let it go because the next moment the teacher is starting to lecture. It only gets weirder from that though. Gabe becomes tenser, angry even. Nolan notices him talking to the new guidance counselor one day after school and thinks it might be a good thing. If Gabe can’t talk to him about whatever is happening he should have someone to confide in.

Then Gabe comes home that night. He crawls right onto his bed and kisses him. He’s smiling in a way that would normally please Nolan but something about the look in his eyes scares him.

“There are things in this town, Nolan,” Gabe tells him. “All the rumors about werewolves and banshees and all that stuff are true.”

Nolan nods, “Yeah I know.”

“They’re not going to hurt us,” Gabe tells him, placing another quick kiss to his lips before pulling back. “Hurt _you_. I’m going to make sure of that.”

“What are you talking about?” Nolan asks.

“There are people that are gathering together to protect the town,” Gabe tells him. “Adults and teenagers alike. They need all the help they can get.”

“How do you know this?” Nolan frowns when he remembers Gabe talking to Ms. Monroe after school. “Did the new guidance counselor tell you this?”

Gabe nods, “She did. She’s leading the way with the help of a hunter. A hunter that’s been dealing with this stuff for a long time. He knows what he’s doing. But he’s left Monroe in charge.”

“Monroe? What? You two are on a single name basis now?”

“Not while we’re out school,” Gabe says, “But outside of school we’re allies. She needs our help, Nols.”

“Our help?” Nolan asks, feeling his heart start to race. He doesn’t like what Gabe is hinting at. “With what?”

“With taking the town back,” Gabe tells him, his eyes lit with a fire that usually thrills Nolan but now twists his stomach into uncomfortable knots. “We’re going to rid this town of all the creatures that want to turn us or kill us. We’re going to make Beacon Hills a safe place to be human again.”

“Are you sure you can trust her?” Nolan asks, “You barely know her.”

“But she’s seen firsthand what can happen when the supernatural run things Nolan,” Gabe tells him, his face grim. “She was attacked by a beast. And the wolves here just let it go rampaging over town. It _killed_ people. And they let it.”

Nolan frowns at that. He knows there have been a lot of random deaths lately but… “I can’t believe people would just let others die like that.”

“Because they’re not people,” Gabe hisses, “They’re monsters. And you can bet if you were out there and it came down to you living or one of their own they would let you die in a heartbeat. But I won’t, Nolan. Do you hear me? I’m not going to let anyone or anything hurt you. I love you. I’m going to keep you safe. I’m going to keep this town safe. Will you help me?”

Nolan wants more time. He wants to be able to think this through. But he trusts Gabe. They’ve been dating for going on six months and been best friends since kindergarten. He has to believe he wants what’s best for Nolan and everyone else. More than that. Nolan loves him. He knows he would follow Gabe anywhere, as foolish as that may be. “Of course I will. I love you too. I’m with you, whatever that means.”

Gabe kisses him again, nudging him until he falls back on the bed and he’s leaning over him, protecting him like a shield. The way he always does. Always will.

Nolan might trust Gabe but he doesn’t quite trust Monroe. He can tell there’s something not right about her. She says she’s in it to protect the town but he can see something darker there. _Hate_. She hates the werewolves and everyone that stands with them. And she’s afraid. So are the others that stand with her. So is Nolan. But his fear feels different. His fear that if he doesn’t do this they’ll turn on him or Gabe. Fear is a dangerous thing. He knows that. Especially when paired with such hatred, and in the minds of people with guns.

He gets lost in it all. He lets himself follow Gabe and the hunters. He shuts everything out but the fear that’s now eating away at him and the love he feels for Gabe. It’s easy to let go and do what he has to do. But there’s still some part of him that wonders if they’re really doing the right thing. He tries to push that thought away. He doesn’t need to go there. It will only drive him crazy.

He’s just lucky he has Gabe there through it all. He’s his rock. Even when he gets wrapped up in it all he’s always there whispering reassurances to Nolan at night. Placing kisses into his skin as he tells him he loves him and that everything’s going to be okay. Nolan wants to believe him.

Even when Monroe wants them to target Liam and his friends. He has people whispering in his ear telling him it’s the right thing to do. And that crippling fear about what will happen if he doesn’t. The fear just keeps getting stronger, almost suffocating him. He can’t escape it. The only time it eases even a bit is when he’s tucked into Gabe’s arms. But even then it’s there. Just a different kind a fear. One that’s worrying about what’s going to become of them. If they’ll both make it out of this.

What they’re doing is dangerous. He knows it is. The thought of losing Gabe in all of this makes him feel sick. He always clings to him a little tighter in those moments, needing to know he’s safe and alive. He thinks Gabe must feel the same way because he holds him closer in those moments, grounding him in a way no one else can.

He’s not proud of what he and the lacrosse team does to Liam. Even when it’s happening and he’s trying to tell himself this is what needs to be done. That they need to make Liam reveal himself for what he really is. A monster.

_But he’s not the one causing harm, is he?_

He tries to shake the thought away, continuing to punch Liam and shove him as his friends watch. As _Gabe_ watches. All Liam does is stand there and take it as people watch it happen. But he can’t stop. He knows he has to do this. That’s what they told him. Monroe and Gabe wouldn’t lie to him. At least Gabe wouldn’t. And Monroe… Nolan glares at Liam and punches him hard in the face, not enjoying the feeling of his fists tearing into skin as much as he’s letting on.

Later when he’s alone he cleans the blood off of his hands and he cries. He cries for what he did to Liam and himself for being in this situation. Then he gets in the shower and he cries some more, hoping the water will wash away the tears and the pain. Gabe finds him sitting in the shower with is knees pulled up to his chest as the water beats down on his back. He strips down and joins him, pulling him close.

“I know you don’t like this,” Gabe says, “I don’t either. But it’s what needs to be done.”

“We call them monsters for what they are, but what if we’re the real monsters?” Nolan asks.

Gabe is silent for a moment as they sit there, his hands rubbing up and down Nolan’s back. His voice is quiet as he speaks. “I don’t know, Nols. I don’t know. I never wanted...” he takes a shuddering breath and places a kiss to Nolan’s shoulder. “I just wanted you to be safe. For us to be safe.”

“I’ve always felt safe with you,” Nolan tells him.

“I know,” Gabe says, bringing a hand up to cup Nolan’s chin so that he meets his eyes. “And I feel safe with you. I know that you’re only mixed up in all of this because of me. I know you’re afraid. I am too. But Nols, we’re fighting to have a better life, not just for us, but for everyone else in this town.”

_Liam lives here_ , Nolan thinks _, And Mason and Corey and the others._

He can’t make himself say it. He’s already shown enough. He can’t have Gabe doubting he’s with him. He has to believe they’ll make it out of this. “But at what cost,” he mutters.

“Whatever we have to pay,” Gabe says.

Everything becomes even more of a mess after that. Nolan does his best to carry on and act like none of this bothers him. But the more it goes on, the worse it gets. It all comes to a head after the day at the zoo. Having Liam corner and attack him should be enough to make him realize that Monroe and Gabe and the others are right. But it’s not. Because he realizes that they’re not the only ones afraid. He can see that same fear in Liam’s eyes that he sees in his own whenever he looks in the mirror. It freezes him to the spot as he waits for Liam to strike.

He’s surprised when Theo saves him, though he quickly tells him it’s not for him. He gets it then too. He’s just looking out for Liam the same way he and Gabe look out for each other. He can only watch as Theo lifts Liam into his arms and starts to carry him away. He gives Nolan a challenging look, as if he expects to be stopped but Nolan lets him go. He doesn’t know why, but he does.

Of course, Monroe isn’t too happy about that. She doesn’t like being tricked. She wants Nolan to wage an attack on Scott and the others at his house tonight. Nolan stands in the armory surrounded by all these men and women waiting for him to lead them off to murder people. He can’t do it. He has to step away. He knows Monroe will be mad when she hears about it but he doesn’t care.

Except then Gabe comes home late that night. Nolan can smell the gunpowder on him as he leans down to kiss him. “What did you do?”

Gabe’s face is grim as he looks down at him, “What I had to do.”

Nolan can’t bring himself to ask that. He knows what Gabe must mean and the thought makes him sick. He’d gone against Monroe’s wishes to stop the attack on the McCall’s, but it had happened anyway. Just under the hands of his boyfriend. He knows why Gabe did it. For him. That thought makes him feel even worse.

“Was anyone hurt?” Nolan asks.

Gabe looks at the wall, “I’m not sure.”

Nolan turns away, facing the wall with his back to Gabe. He can’t look at him right now. He hears Gabe sigh and then the sound of the dresser being opened and closed. A few minutes later the bed is dipping behind him and Gabe is wrapping himself around Nolan. He tucks his chin on Nolan’s shoulder and speaks quietly in his ear, “I did what I had to in order to keep you safe Nolan. I didn’t enjoy it, but it had to be done. If you’re smart you’ll go with it when you get credit for it.”

Nolan doesn’t want to but he still does as Gabe suggests. It makes him feel sick getting credit for something like that though. Especially when he hears that Lydia is in the hospital, along with Scott’s Mom. Both of them are innocent. _All of them are_.

He quickly shakes the thought. He knows a lot of the pack has blood on his hands, but then again, so does he. What makes all things he’s done any better? He keeps this thought to himself. He doesn’t need his loyalty being questioned. Not after what Gabe did to make sure Monroe still trusts him.

Time seems to go quickly after that. The terror that has been eating away at him is still there but now that he knows what it is. Or at least that it exists. There’s a monster here, far worse than anything Nolan could have expected. It draws on people’s fear and uses it against them. The thought that this thing could have gotten into his head and made him do things makes him feel sick.

Now that he knows it’s in his head it makes it harder to follow Monroe’s orders. He can’t justify hurting these people anymore, because they are people. It was hard enough before this revelation but now his doubt is even more prominent. He does his best to keep it hidden. He needs to make sure Monroe still trusts him. And Gabe…

Nolan sighs and looks down at where Gabe is sleeping soundly. He knows if this thing is making him act in ways he normally wouldn’t it has to be doing the same to Gabe. It makes him feel a little better. It’s been hard to think that the boy he loves could have turned into a killer so easily. But he hadn’t. At least not on his own. He had this monster and then Monroe pushing him and morphing him into the perfect weapon. The problem is that even though Gabe knows about the monster he hasn’t shown any sense of doubt. It’s just fueled him on more.

“I love you,” he whispers, running a hand through his hair and smiling when Gabe makes a noise and pushes into it in his sleep. “So much. We’re going to get through this.”

He doesn’t sleep much that night. He knows what’s coming the next day. He knows what he has to do. Monroe and the hunters are planning something and he at least has to warn Liam about it. It won’t be easy but he at least has to try. Even if it means going against Gabe. He has to do the right thing and hope that Gabe understands.

He finds Liam at the school the next day. Liam doesn’t look happy to see him, making a point to point out that everyone is staring at him because they don’t trust him. Nolan tries to push it aside. He doesn’t have time to worry about that right now.

He tells Liam that he has something he needs him to see about the hospital and convinces him to go with the promise that he’ll get to kick his ass afterwards. It’s the only way he can think of to make Monroe less suspicious. If it looks like Liam beat the information out of them he should be fine. But at the same time that would put more of a target on Liam’s head. Something he’s not sure he wants to do. He knows he doesn’t have a choice though.

He helps Liam sneak into the hospital, careful to avoid anyone that he knows works for Monroe. They eventually make it to the ICU that Monroe has been using and he shows Liam the people in there. He expects to get punched, like Liam promised but all he does is tell him to go. That enough tells him he did the right thing. Liam isn’t his enemy. Not like Monroe has been saying. He’s just a kid trying to survive, just like Nolan is. He gives Liam and grateful smile and then takes off out the door.

Gabe finds him as he’s leaving. Of course he does. He was waiting right there for him. And he doesn’t look happy. Nolan feels his throat close up at the conversation he knows they’re going to have to have. He tries to make up some exercise about going home, but it’s weak. They live together. Gabe knows he doesn’t have to be there. He feels a sense of dread coming over him as Gabe stands up and says he needs to talk to him and leads him down the hall. He’s never been afraid of Gabe. At least not the Gabe he fell in love with. But lately he’s been different. Fueled by his hatred and fear.

Gabe leads him into the morgue and then shuts the door. He keeps his back to Nolan and Nolan can see the tension there.

“You don’t know what they’ll want me to do to you Nolan,” Gabe says, his voice wavering around the words.

“You know you have a choice here,” Nolan says.

“You betrayed us!” Gabe shouts, spinning around and cornering him against the wall. The hurt in his voice makes Nolan’s heart clench.

“No,” Nolan says, shaking his head, “I did the right thing. For once I did something good, Gabe. These people aren’t our enemies.”

Gabe gives a disbelieving laugh, “That doesn’t matter, okay? Now that you’ve helped them and betrayed Monroe, because _she_ will see it as a betrayal. You’re the enemy. Maybe not to me, but to her. And I can’t... “

Gabe leans in and kisses him, pulling him close and licking into his mouth. Nolan can only hold on and return the kiss with equal fervor. It makes Nolan tremble a bit. It feels a little bit too much like a goodbye and Nolan hates it. Especially when he pulls back with a sad smile and brushes his knuckles across his cheek.

He backs towards the door and Nolan stumbles after him, “Gabe?”

“Just stay here, okay?” Gabe says. He’s at the door now. Nolan has to watch as he backs out of it, his eyes sad as he takes in Nolan, “I love you. And I’m going to do what I can to protect you. But that means you not being seen. I’m sorry.”

Nolan rushes forward but it’s too late. Gabe is already shutting the door and blocking him in with his gun against the door. He puts his hand to the glass, mouths another _I’m sorry_ and then takes off down the hall.

Nolan knows better than to bang against the door and call after him. The last thing he needs to do is draw attention to himself. So he just makes his way over to one of the gurneys and sits heavily on the floor, doing his best to hide. He’s still there when Melissa finds him later. She looks surprised to see him. Nolan makes himself look away, ashamed that he’s been crying. She frowns and kneels down next to him.

“Nolan? It’s Nolan, right?”

Nolan nods, “Yeah.”

“What’s wrong?” Melissa asks, the picture of motherly concern. “Are you hurt?”

_Only in my heart_ , Nolan thinks. Outwardly he shakes his head and pushes to his feet. “No. I just… got into a fight with someone. But I’m fine. There are more important things happening.”

Melissa doesn’t look convinced but she still nods her head and gets to her feet, “There are. The hospital has been taken over with hunters.” She studies him for a moment, her eyes narrowed as she scrutinizes him. He tries not to squirm. She must not find anything on his face because she sighs. “I was about to ask if you were a trap for me, but you look too upset to be plotting anything. So come on, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” Nolan asks, stumbling after.

She throws a smirk over her shoulder as she puts her hand on the door, “To help. It’s time you pick a side Nolan.”

Nolan knows she’s right. He’s tired of fighting for something he doesn’t believe in. It’s time he stands up and does what he can to make up for what he’s done, at least a little bit. “I’m on your side.”

“Good,” Melissa says, “Then be prepared to fight.”

He knows this means he might wind up finding Gabe, and being on opposite sides with him. Something tells him Gabe knew that too. Part of him hopes he doesn’t have to run into him. He doesn’t think he’d have it in him to fight him. And he doesn’t want to make Gabe have to choose either.

They make their way through the hospital, eventually coming across Liam who is now joined by Theo. Nolan feels his heart drop when he realizes Gabe is there. Gabe glances in his direction, the only acknowledgement that he’s seen him being a slight widening of his eyes before he’s turning away. Nolan does his best to keep a clear head but it’s hard. He’s trying to help Melissa, Liam, and Theo while also keeping an eye on Gabe. He’s never felt more conflicted.

He can only watching as Gabe and Liam struggle together. It’s just the two of them out there and right now neither one has the upper hand. He turns his head when he hears Monroe’s voice coming through one of the two-way radios. He feels his breath leave him when she tells her man to fire. Not just at Liam, but at Gabe two.

The next few moments seem to happen in slow motion. The man opens fire and Liam manages to duck away. Gabe doesn’t. Nolan can’t even count how many times he’s hit but each one feels like a shot right to Nolan’s heart. He wants to scream and run to him but first he needs to take care of this asshole. He manages to get a fire extinguisher and bashes the man over the head with it. He crumbles and the room goes temporarily silent.

Nolan scurries to his feet and looks towards Gabe. He’s bleeding and dragging himself across the floor. He keeps muttering something Nolan can’t make out. When he does he feels his heart shatter a bit, “It hurts. Nols. Please. It hurts.”

Nolan rushes over and helps Gabe sit up against one of the cabinets. His gaze is unfocused as he takes Nolan in, “Nols,” he croaks out, attempting to raise his hand but all it does is fall uselessly back at his side. “It hurts.”

Nolan sobs and rests his forehead against Gabe’s, “I know. I know it does, babe. I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry,” Gabe says, “Should. Have. Listened.”

Nolan turns when he hears footsteps and sees Theo walking towards them. “Don’t touch him,” he hisses as Theo kneels down next to Gabe and a different kind of fear grips at his chest

Theo shoots him a look, “I’m not going to hurt him. I just want to help.”

Nolan wants to scoff at that. What way could Theo possibly help? He still doesn’t stop Theo when he reaches out and takes Gabe’s arm in his and pushes the sleeve back. He can only watch as he puts his hand against Gabe’s skin and then black lines start running up it. “Does it hurt anymore?” Theo asks, then gives a small smile when Gabe shakes his head, “Good.”

Nolan turns back to see Gabe watching him, clearly fighting to keep his eyes open. Nolan gets it then, really gets it. Gabe is dying. And he’s fighting to stay here for Nolan. Nolan closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He leans in and places a soft kiss to Gabe’s lips, not caring that they’re being watched. This is for Gabe. He needs Gabe to know.

“I love you,” he whispers against Gabe’s lips, “I’ll be okay. You can let go now.”

Gabe whispers out a barely audible “I love you,” and then closes his eyes. He doesn’t open them again.

“He’s gone,” he hears Theo whisper, but he knows it’s not to him.

Nolan throws himself at Gabe wrapping his arms around him and pulling his limp body into his arms. He sobs and screams and pounds his fists against his back.

“I hate you,” he sobs, knowing the words aren’t true even as he speaks them. “This was all so that we could be together and be safe. How am I supposed to…?”

He breaks off with a sob as he clings to Gabe harder. His minds want him to stop. To not think about it. But it’s hard not to with the proof right there in front of him. Gabe is dead. He’d told him it was okay to go and he had. But it’s not okay. Not really. Nolan just hadn’t wanted him to suffer anymore. Now he’s the one suffering. He doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go on without him.

Nolan gets to his feet and looks around the room, anger coursing through him in a low hum. He spots the man who shot Gabe struggling to his feet. He sees red. He’s across the room and on the man in seconds, putting a hand around his throat and holding him against the wall with strength that surprises even him. The man gasps and claws at Nolan’s arm but Nolan doesn’t let go.

“You killed him,” he grits out.

“Nolan...”

He’s not sure who says his name but he doesn’t care. The only things that matters is making the man pay. His hand squeezes tighter around the man’s throat, and he almost smiles when he feels his throat clenching under his hand. It would be so easy to kill him. To make him suffer the way Gabe had and then die right here.

He feels a hand on his arm and turns his head, expecting to see Melissa or Liam, but instead Theo is there, “What? Are you going to tell me not to kill him?”

Theo shrugs, “If you want to kill him, I won’t be the one to stop you. But you have to think about it Nolan. You kill him and that’s it, it’s over for him. But you? You’ll have to live with what you did. And I know he killed Gabe and you think he deserves it. But he was being manipulated just like the rest of you were. This isn’t about him though, it’s about you. Do you really want to be a killer? Do you think Gabe would want you to?”

Nolan narrows his eyes, “You have no idea what Gabe would want.”

“No,” Theo says, “But you do. You clearly cared about each other a lot.”

“I love him,” Nolan whispers, his grip on the nameless hunters throat loosening. “And he took him from me.”

“No,” Theo says, “ _he_ didn’t. Monroe did.”

As if on cue there’s a crackling from the radio they used to communicate and then Monroe’s voice is there, asking for an update. Nolan tenses before letting his hand fall from the man’s throat. He slowly turns towards the sound of her voice, only to see Liam near the radio with Theo walking up behind him. Liam picks it up and tells her it’s over.

Nolan knows what’s going to happen now and he can’t let it. He looks to Gabe and whispers out an “I’m sorry,” before running down the hall towards the elevator. He hears voices calling his name but he ignores them. He has to find her.

“Nolan,” It’s Liam that’s there this time, stopping him with a hand on his arm.

“She’s going to try and run,” Nolan says, shrugging him off and jabbing his finger against the down button a few more times. “I have to stop her. She can’t get away with this.”

“She won’t,” Liam tells him. “But if you go running after her alone she will kill you. “

“So?” Nolan says, turning his glare on Liam. “Let her. I don’t care as long as she pays.”

“Gabe would care,” Liam says, his voice soft.

Nolan lets out a bitter laugh, “Well Gabe isn’t here, is he? And that’s because of her.”

“I know,” Liam says, “And you want her to pay. I get that. But this isn’t the way to do it.”

“He’s right,” Melissa says, “We’re not going to let her get away with the things she’s done. But for now, you probably just need to go home and shower and get some rest.”

Nolan’s eyes drift back down the hall. He can’t see Gabe but he knows he’s there, still laying slumped over against the cabinets, his blood pooling on the floor. Nolan has to swallow past the lump in his throat, “I can’t leave him,” he knows it’s a weird thing to say since he was ready to tear out of the hospital a few minutes ago, but now that he’s calm he knows he can’t leave Gabe here. Not yet. “I don’t have anywhere to go anyway.”

“What do you mean?” Liam asks.

“I was living with Gabe,” Nolan says, “My parents… they left town after that thing where everyone disappeared. I woke up one day and they were gone. All that was left was a note telling me I had to find somewhere else to live. Gabe took me in. His parents didn’t like it but they let me stay because of Gabe. But now…”

“You think they’d kick you out?”

“They’d probably find some way to blame me,” Nolan says, wiping at his eyes. “And they wouldn’t be wrong.”

“Look,” Theo says, “I know until a few hours ago we were on opposite sides of all of this but you tried to help us so you can’t be a total dick.”

“Theo,” Liam hisses, but Theo waves him off.

“All I’m saying we were all put into situations we didn’t quite know how to handle. The Anuk-Ite came in and amped up everyone’s fears and Monroe used that. She may have been afraid herself but she knew what she was doing. She knew you were all afraid and she used that fear to build her own personal army. So whatever happened here tonight, that was on her, not you.”

Nolan nods. He knows what Theo is saying is true but he also knows they wouldn’t have been in this situation if it wasn’t for Gabe wanting to protect him. Nolan turns his back on them and walks back down the hall. Gabe is still sitting exactly as he was before. Nolan walks back over and sits down next to him, tucking himself into Gabe’s side. He needs to feel the contact. He needs to feel Gabe next to him one more time before they come and take him away.

Nolan can’t stop himself from crying again as he rests his head on Gabe’s chest and hears nothing where he’d usually hear the steady beating of his heart. It had been one of Nolan’s favorite sounds, a reassurance that Gabe was alive and healthy. Now there’s nothing. Gabe is gone.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there, crying and clutching helplessly to Gabe, before Melissa comes and kneels beside him, resting a hand on his shoulder. “We need to take him to the morgue, sweetheart. I’m sorry. His parents are on their way and they don’t need to see him like this.”

Nolan nods and pulls back. He wipes at his eyes but the tears continue to fall. He reaches his hand up to stroke Gabe’s cheek, “I love you.”

His whole body feels heavy as he gets to his feet and backs away. It’s as if he’s surround by lead instead of air and it’s crushing him, pushing him down until his legs threaten to buckle. But then someone is there at his side, wrapping an arm around his waist and keeping him on his feet. He can’t watch as they come and load Gabe onto the stretcher so he tucks himself into whoever’s arms are holding him and cries. He wonders if he’ll ever stop crying. If soon he’s just going to run out of tears and he’ll truly be empty.

A hand moves up to grip the back of his neck and it grounds him. It’s only then that he registers the voice speaking to him and telling him it’s going to be okay. _Scott_ . _When had Scott gotten here?_

He pulls back to find Scott watching him. He looks just as bad as Nolan feels, with his face caked with dried blood. All Scott does is give him a sad smile, “It’s not as bad as it looks.”

Next to them Melissa sighs, “You say that now. I heard what happened kiddo and we are going to talk about it.”

“Later,” Scott tells her, “For now we have more important things to worry about.” Scott surprisingly looks down at Nolan, “I hear you need a place to stay.” He waits for Nolan to nod before continuing on, “I talked to my Mom and she agreed that it might be best for you to stay with us.”

“To keep an eye on me tonight,” Nolan mutters, pulling away from Scott.

Scott frowns, “No. It wouldn’t just be for tonight Nolan. You can stay as long as you want. You can’t be living on the street.”

Nolan snorts, “Why do you care if I live on the street when you have no problem letting Theo sleep in his truck?”

“What?” Liam asks, “What does he mean you’ve been living in your truck.”

Nolan hears Theo sigh and then their voices start drifting away. He can’t even feel sorry about it. Someone had to say something. Scott at least looks shocked by what he’s just heard, “We didn’t know he was living in his truck. If we had, we would have made sure he had someplace safe to say. Like we are with you.”

Nolan shrugs, “You don’t have to explain it to me.”

Scott sighs, “I do though. I need you to understand that we’re here to help you. We look out for each other. And that includes you. You helped Liam, Nolan and you didn’t have to. And something tells me you’d been wanting to for a while.”

Nolan looks away, his eyes landing on the pool of blood on the ground. He has to swallow past the lump in his throat, “I had. But I was afraid. And Gabe…”

“You loved him,” Scott says, his tone far too understanding.

“No,” Nolan grits out, “I _love_ him. Just because he’s… that doesn’t mean…”

Nolan has to bring a hand up to his face as his shoulders start to shake and sobs wrack his body. Scott pulls him close again and Nolan doesn’t fight him. He knows he should, but he lets himself take comfort in the embrace.

“I’m sorry,” Scott says, his tone gentle. “Of course you love him. I know it doesn’t help but I understand what you’re going through so if you need someone to talk to.”

“I don’t.”

“Okay,” Scott says. “But the offer will be there if you change your mind.”

Nolan wants to tell him he won’t but he can’t bring himself to do it. He feels exhausted all of a sudden. All the events of today catching up to him. He’s starting to think Melissa’s idea about rest might not be a bad idea. Nolan pulls back and winces when he notices all the blood on Scott’s shirt from where his hands were gripping it.

“Sorry about your shirt,” he mutters, his eyes moving down to stare at his shoes.

“It’s okay,” Scott tells him. It feels like he’s talking about more than the shirt. “It’s just a shirt. Now come on, let’s go home.”

Nolan doesn’t argue that it’s not his home. It’s not like he has any place to go, and he needs out of the hospital. He needs away from the scent of blood and the sight of the spot Gabe died. He asks to stop by the morgue before they go, wanting to see Gabe one last time. Scott and Melissa look hesitant but wind up agreeing.

Thankfully Gabe’s parents aren’t there yet when he walks in. It’s just an empty room with Gabe’s body on a cool metal slap in both but a sheet. His clothes are in a pile on the tray next to his and Nolan walks over. He finds the ring Gabe always used to wear and slips it onto his finger. Everything else he leaves for his parents. He just wants to have this. Then he turns to Gabe. He walks close and brings a hand up to his face, choking back a sob at the feeling of how cold his skin already is.

He barely the urge to throw himself on Gabe and fit himself back into his arms, but he knows if he did that he wouldn’t want to let go. They’d have to pry Nolan off of him or just bury him right along with Gabe. The thought is far too tempting. But he knows Gabe wouldn’t want that for him. They’d went through all of this so they could be happy and live their lives. Except now it’s just Nolan, and Gabe is just a body in a cold room.

He leans in and places a kiss to Gabe’s head, letting his lips linger there as he speaks, “I love you. And I can promise you that bitch will pay for what she did.”

Nolan intends to keep the promise. It’s the only thing that has him pulling away and walking out the door, allowing Scott and Melissa to take him home. They let him shower first and for that he’s grateful. He’s still covered in Gabe’s blood. He’s shaking when he gets into the shower, despite the warm water that beats down on his skin. The cold he feels is so deep that he doubts any warmth will ever touch him again. Not it matters.

The only thing that matters to him now is finding Monroe. Scott and the others promised him they would do that and she’d pay for what she did. Something tells him Scott’s form of punishment isn’t exactly in line with his own. But that’s fine. Scott can think what he wants. If he wants to try and capture her and lock her up, he can.

Nolan knows it won’t matter. The moment he sees Monroe again he’s going to riddle her with as many holes as Gabe, if not more. It’s what she deserves. She can die in pain and afraid and alone, knowing it was Nolan that did it to her. He knows Scott probably wouldn’t like it but right now he doesn’t care. He knows the only way he’s going to feel any sense of peace now is if Monroe dies. So she will.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos/Comments make my day. ♥  
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